


Clean-shaven doctors and unconfessed feelings

by Grigoriweasley



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Introspection, M/M, POV John Watson, Unconfessed Feelings, sherlock 3x01
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-13 16:01:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29404476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grigoriweasley/pseuds/Grigoriweasley
Summary: -"I don't shave for Sherlock Holmes"- he'd said, but he in fact did shave for the detective.
Relationships: Mary Morstan/John Watson, Sherlock Holmes/John Watson
Kudos: 8





	Clean-shaven doctors and unconfessed feelings

“I prefer my doctors clean-shaven.”

Wait, what? Had he heard correctly?

>p>Because Sherlock had just somehow implied that John was “his” doctor. Which, of course, he wasn’t. he was his own person, thank you very much; he wasn’t anybody’s possession, and especially he wasn’t the possession of a pompous, arrogant and selfish moron. 

Yes, John was still very much infuriated with Sherlock, who had come back out of blue after faking his death for two years and was now acting as if nothing had happened and the only problem was John’s moustache. 

He couldn’t believe it. When he had seen him reappear at the restaurant the other night, smiling brightly with his stupid fake moustache above his lips, John had almost wanted to kill him for all the hurt he had caused him. And he had, in fact, tried: he had thrown his arms around Sherlock’s neck and put him on the ground, causing a scene and leaving poor Mary quite astonished. Then he had regained his calm (well, not completely, but his stupid morals had come in and suggested he let go of Sherlock and avoid giving him another death). He had sit down with Mary in front of the detective and listened to the story of how he had disappeared for the last two years as part of a plan he and his brother Mycroft had conceived in order to keep Sherlock’s friends safe from Moriarty’s helpers. 

John was a bit moved, deep inside, by the thought of the Holmes brothers working so hard to protect him and Mrs. Hudson, but he couldn’t get past the hurt of not knowing how the plan was gonna work. Molly knew, Sherlock’s parents knew, even if he rarely had conversations with them: John was the only one of Sherlock’s close friends that was left in the darkness and that hurt him more than anything else. 

Maybe he would’ve stopped Sherlock from thinking of a solution so drastic (because despite everything, the detective was the one person John loved the most in the world and two years without him would have almost killed John too), and maybe that was why they had decided not to involve him at all. But that didn’t make him feel better. At all. 

How long he had cried for Sherlock’s death… everyday he went to his grave asking, no, begging him to come back and say that it was all a joke. 

-“Please, Sherlock, one more thing… for me. Don’t be dead.”- 

He had felt so alone, just like he felt before meeting the detective. And now, seeing him well and alive, all the frustration and the sadness he’d felt had mixed up with the anger and the obvious relief, and John hadn’t been able to control his emotions. 

First there had been shock; then anger and hurt had come alive…Obviously, a great amount of relief had been part of his reaction too. And finally, there was also fear. 

Fear that everything was gonna change, because everything already had changed, in John’s life. He had tried to go on, to live his life without Sherlock, and he had found Mary. He’d fallen in love with her, surprising himself too: he honestly didn’t think he could get attached to someone else so strongly after Sherlock…For yes, he cared about the detective more than anyone else in the world. 

He was in love with him but, of course, he never revealed his feelings to the other man. He didn’t think Sherlock could love him back; so he kept his love for himself, buried deep in his heart, struggling to keep it down there quiet everytime he did so much as look at the detective. Sherlock had given him a purpose again: he had made him feel alive, wanted, loved. He had fun solving crimes with him; he was never bored and even though most of the time he was pissed at the detective for his comebacks or his crazy ideas, he loved every bit of it and he wouldn’t have changed it for anything in the world. 

And then, all of a sudden, everything had been stripped away from his hands and he’d found himself alone, again. His heart was completely broken and the only person who had made it beat so hard was now far away, with no chance to come back. 

John was happy with Mary, really: she had saved him when he was in a dark place and he loved her and was grateful to her for that. Of course, he’d never told her about his feelings about the detective. But he had always felt that something was missing, like a puzzle that only needed one piece to be completed. He had never really got over Sherlock’s absence, but he was trying his best to feel whole again. 

Now Sherlock had come back and the first thing he’d thought about, instead of explaining himself and apologizing to John, had been to start a conversation about the doctor’s moustache. John had been determined to ignore Sherlock’s remarks about it: he had refused to surrender to the detective’s caprices and make him win (like he always did). He had been sure that at least Mary liked his new look, but the poor woman’s lie had immediately been revealed by Sherlock’s brilliant deduction. 

Great, so nobody liked the way he looked now. He went home with Mary that night, and he shaved. -“I don’t shave for Sherlock Holmes”- he’d said, but in fact, he did shave for the detective. To be honest, even John didn’t love the moustache that much…he had tried a new look in order to show some change, to show to the world that he had moved on from Sherlock and that he was now someone new. But it wasn’t the truth, and deep down he knew it. Sherlock was right: he had missed this. He’d missed spending all his time with him, helping him with the cases, fighting over groceries, laughing on the crime scenes…all of it. 

And the smugness in Sherlock’s voice when he had declared that he preferred his doctors shaven had bothered John so much because deep down he knew that, despite two years being separated and him falling in love with someone else, they still belonged to one another. Sherlock was the piece of the puzzle that John needed to be complete. 

Because, after all, John was still and was always going to be “his” doctor. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! So, this was gonna be a light and funny story at the beginning, because honestly this scene in the series is too iconic and I wanted to write something cute about that. But then I just got carried away a bit while writing so I ended up with something deeper, a sort of train of John's thoughts after Sherlock's return. And also, bi!John is canon for me and he is obviously in love with Sherlock so there's that. As always, if you want to comment on anything or give some advice you are more than welcome to do so :) hope you like it and thanks for reading!


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